Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
