So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize