People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
