My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
