if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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