Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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