what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
