He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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