im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
