We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
