.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
