Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
