hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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