Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
