In the future we'll all be gay
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize