Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
