I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Say something about gay babies.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
