I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
