you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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