Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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