im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
