This house was built for laser tag.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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