Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
