And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
