I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
