I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
