i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
