Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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