i wish there were pregnant emoticons
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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