Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
