Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
