she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
