dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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