I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
