so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
