I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
