Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
