Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize