Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
