dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
