Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
