She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
