Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
