Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
