my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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