Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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