Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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