whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
