To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
