Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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