You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
