i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I pour the whiskey from now on
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
