I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
