Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
