Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
