the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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