u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize