I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
