i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My dick has a subreddit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
