Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
