i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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