i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
