How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is the high leading the old right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
