She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
