i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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