all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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