What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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