I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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